7 ways un-forgiveness could poison your life

Un-forgiveness affects the way you see the world. It influences your behavior, how you interact with, deal with and perhaps hurt others. It contaminates your loving heart with poison, which stops you on your true path, towards a life of love and fulfillment.

anger resentment unforgiveness

Be honest! You don’t feel like forgiving, do you?

Why should you forgive?

What they did to you was unforgivable. So, they deserve to be punished.

Do you feel that?

That’s understandable, you’re not the only one. We all feel that at times.

Why then should you forgive people who hurt you badly? They chose to hurt you. They wanted to hurt you. They knew perfectly well how much it would hurt you. Why should you let them off the hook? Forgiving them might make them feel better, but what about you?

So, why should you forgive?

Let’s get one thing straight. Forgiveness never condones, forgiveness never accepts, forgiveness never sanitizes any hurtful behavior. But, until you forgive, you will never let go of the hurt, and remove the poison. The poison of un-forgiveness in your heart.

This poison spreads into every area of your life. This poison will spread out its bitter venom and could eventually destroy you. This poison contaminates you, it corrodes you and it corrupts you: mind, body and spirit.

Why allow your own feelings and behavior to sink as low as the person who hurt you?


“It may be infinitely worse to refuse to forgive than to murder,

because the latter may be an impulse of moment of heat,

whereas the former is a cold and deliberate choice of the heart’

George MacDonald 

These words of George MacDonald seem very harsh.

How far could you agree with him?

Does he have a point?

What are some of the ways that this poison affect people’s lives? Or maybe even your life?

So, what are these 7 ways that can poison your life?

1. Un-forgiveness can poison relationships. 

How might this happen? There are many devastating ways this poison can affect your relationships. Do you recognize any of these?

  • Cutting a loved-one out of your life.

“I hate you. Get out, and don’t come back.”

“I’ll never speak to you again”

“Well, they’ve never bothered getting in touch with me, so why should I?”

  •  Resenting your parents

“You never listen to me.”

“Whatever I do is never good enough for you.”

“Why can’t you just let me live my own life?”

  •  Angry with your children

“You never listen to me.”

“I’m telling you for your own good.”

“You’ll never make a decent living doing that.”

  •  Stressed out with work colleagues

“The boss is always on my back”

“I always have to pick up the slack, because they don’t do their job properly.”

“Why should they get promotion before me?”

  •  Falling out with your best friend

“I can’t believe they could do that to me.”

“How could they betray me like that?”

“I could never say that to them.”

Do you recognise any of these? I know I certainly do. I’m sure most people do.

However, it doesn’t have to be that way. You are well aware that it’s in your power to change your heart. Relationships are so important in your life.

Why allow them to be destroyed? Why not make the first move? Why don’t you seek a path towards reconciliation?


2 Un-forgiveness affects your health

It’s a well-known medical fact that anger, resentment and feelings of revenge can seriously undermine your health.

These feelings can result in stress, depression, and psychological problems, which in turn affect every cell in your body.

Is that what you want?

Why allow that person to continually affect you long after the incident has passed. Why surrender your health and wellbeing to someone else? Why not move on? Haven’t they done enough to hurt you already?


3. Un-forgiveness robs you of your inner peace, harmony and energy

Any internal conflict is quite incompatible with inner peace. How can you feel calm, relaxed and at peace when you have an unresolved hurt, raging anger or cold resentment in your heart?

Your mind, body and spirit are out of harmony. Because harmony cannot co-exist with conflict, confusion and chaos. These three poisons are the inevitable result of an unforgiving heart.

Hurt, anger and resentment drain your energy. They steal far too much of your precious time and energy, reliving the event over and over. Uselessly. Because this will never change what happened. The past is past. Only its negative impact remains in your mind and heart.

Why settle for conflict when you could enjoy peace?

Why continue to disturb your harmony and peace of mind?

Why waste your energy reliving the past?


 4. Un-forgiveness affects the way you see the world

When you’ve been hurt, your subconscious reacts to protect you. This affects your behavior in similar situations.

For instance, if you’ve been out at night and been attacked, you may be afraid of going out alone at night. You may avoid that area completely in future. You may view the world as a much more dangerous place. You’ll be more suspicious of strangers. Your world will begin to shrink.

If your partner has been unfaithful, you may stop trusting them, even if you’ve made it up with them. You may start suspecting what they’re up to when you’re not with them.

If you’ve had your heart broken, then you’re less likely to trust your heart to another. This could extend to how you behave in other relationships too.

As we all know, these are just a few examples.

The way you see the world affects all that you do.

Why continue to let the hurt bring negativity into your world?

Why persist in tolerating someone besmirching your social environment?

Why not drive out that hurt from your heart and enjoy a better life?


5. You will begin to cause hurt to others

These are just a few of the possible consequences: arguments, fights and fall-outs.  I’m sure it’s a familiar part of all our lives. We witness it so many times in others as well as ourselves.

You will allow yourself to sink to a lower level of love and compassion. You may begin to behave towards others like the one who hurt you. You will take out the hurt others have caused you on your loved-ones.

For example:

  • You may take revenge on the person who hurt you, or did you wrong, but this will escalate. It may even hurt other family members who get involved, causing family feuds, or divsions in groups where friends take sides.
  • You’re cross, stressed, and mad; you get in your car, and drive dangerously. You may cause an accident hurting yourself or injuring an innocent party.
  • Or, you snap at a customer or colleague because the boss has just shouted at you.

Is that how you want others to see you behave?

We’ve all suffered the pain of other people’s anger. But do we really need to pass in on? We can stop this downward spiral. We just need to look for a better way. We already know that way: understanding, compassion, and forgiveness.


6.  Un-forgiveness jars with your loving spirit

It’s almost impossible to live a life of love with a heart filled with anger and un-forgiveness. Why?

Because you suffer an internal conflict in the deepest part of your spirit, where your love and compassion dwell.

Un-forgiveness is also the exact opposite of your very destiny, shaped by the Infinite Love and Intelligence. Whatever your beliefs are: call it God, Source, Higher Power of the Universe. You are destined to be a loving person. That’s why we’re here.

Love is your greatest and all-embracing internal quality. Do you really want to risk compromising it? Do you really want your love to fade and even die, all because your heart is still full of bitterness? Do you really want to defile it with anger, hatred and un-forgiveness?

Of course not! Who in their right mind would? Isn’t it far better to get rid of your hurt, instead of enduring un-necessary turmoil and pain?

Better to live a much happier life, the inevitable fruit of love.


7.  Un-forgiveness Undermines Your Happiness

As you can see, by not forgiving you create all manner of nasty things for yourself.

It affects your mental, emotional and physical health. It affects your relationships with love-ones, friends and colleagues. It affects your inner peace, your outlook on life, and your time and energy.

It influences the way you see the world, one of hurt and danger rather than of fun and adventure. It influences your behavior, how you interact with, deal with and perhaps hurt others. It influences your very soul, by contaminating your loving heart with poison, which suddenly stops you on your true path, towards a life of love and fulfillment.

How could you possibly be happy with all that going on?

You know you don’t want that, you don’t deserve that, and you don’t need that.


Stop the poison now.

The sooner you do something about it, the better you’ll feel.

Yes, you think, all very well and good, but how exactly do it I learn to let go of the hurt?

This hurt must be flushed from your very soul. How?

Through the healing balm of forgiveness. Without forgiveness your heart is still trapped in a cage of deadly negativity. Unless this poison is eliminated, it can only expand and grow. You’ll relive that hurt over and over. Every day, every month, every year   . . . perhaps forever.

Unless and until you learn to forgive, and release the poison.

There is a hard law: when an injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.”

Alan Paton

So, look into your heart and see if there are people you might need to forgive. Why not let go of that hurt, find a better way, and move on with a happier heart?

And don’t forget the greatest need to forgive that most of us have.You, me and all of us.

We must learn to forgive ourselves.


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